07 January 2006

UCMJ Bingo!

Ok, so Bubblehead got me thinking about the UCMJ, and all the different ways it can be violated.  So, accordingly, I present my entry into UCMJ bingo, concentrating only on Article 134 offenses:

-Assault - indecent (Witnessed, not participated.  Oh what awful things people will do to others coffee, etc.)
-Bribery and Graft (Ok, I admit it!  I agreed to sit the MS's qual board after he assured me pizza and cookies would be available!)
-False or unauthorized pass offenses (Did you know that pre-9/11 that to get on base, all you needed was a base sticker on your car and to wave your ID in the window.  Interestingly enough, an AMEX card looks a lot like an old green ID.)
-False pretenses, obtaining services under (No, I did not tell that yardbird that his supervisor had ok'd putting extra LAN drops in the wardroom.  He must have misheard me.)
-Fraternization (I think almost all of NavOps and a goodly number of Engineering was at my going away in Xania.  The upside - I didn't pay for a single drink.  And I don't remember much after the first 90 minutes... But I am told it was a hell of a party)
-Gambling with subordinate (I invariably bet on Notre Dame, and almost always lost)
-Impersonating ... official (Lesse, over the phone I have been the Weps, Eng, XO and CO.  Over SATHICOM I have been the CO [Ok, he told me to], and in person, with a different ball cap on, I have been from the Squadron, to name a few.  And, no, despite what my XO claimed, my last name was not McHale)
-Indecent exposure (No comment)
-Indecent Language (I would just laugh this one off, too, but a certain bilge rat, err, LCDR, actually tried to get the XO to start an XOI because of this charge, among others.  The XO, thankfully, laughed him out of his stateroom.)
-Indecent acts with another (The explanation says, "“Indecent” signifies that form of immorality relating to sexual impurity which is not only grossly vulgar, obscene, and repugnant to common propriety, but tends to excite lust and deprave the morals with respect to sexual relations."  Hmm, most midwatches a majority of the watchteam could be charged with this.)
-Jumping from vessel into the water (Swimcall?  Oh, wait, the elements include, "That such act by the accused was wrongful and intentional."  Well, the divers always went nekkid during swimcall, and that was just wrong...)
-Misprision of serious offense (Hmm, well, let's just say that while it was not a good thing that this shipmate did, it allowed us to undock on time, and it did not endanger anyone or damage anything...)
-Straggling (Don't have submariners PT with Marines is all I am saying)
-Threat, communicating (I submit that saying "I should donkey punch you," does not express "a present determination or intent to wrongfully injure the person")
-Unauthorized Insignia... (The uniform regs kinda went out the window back aft on deployment.  Unfortunately, I only got back there twice a month to maintain proficiency).

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