A recent post by Bubblehead
sent me into reverie land about all the stupid things nukes do to pass the weary hours in the engine room. So, I thought I’d put up some of my favorites, and see if anyone had others they would care to share. All hearsay, of course, as no one here would actually ever disturb plant operations.
My stroll down memory lane focused mostly on materiel pranks and stunts, like the tree of lights mentioned in the linked post. People doing things to other people, well, there are a lot of those kinds of stories. What about what we did to the -boat-? (And no, I am not referring to the San Juan, destroying equipment kind of acts).
Alarm light patterns were always a favorite of mine. Getting one half of the 2TM panel blinking out of phase with the other was always brain-aggravating (taking some to test, some to cutout)
Another fun one was using a laser-pointer to illuminate the 2TM light on the new microprocessor RPCP. It was an LED light, and the only one that did not set off an audible alarm, so if you hit it with the laser pointer just right, it looked like there was a 2TM alarm. Of course, if you do it with an RO who is standing his very first underway watch, you might very well end up with a closed surge line, but then, that is just knowing your watchstanders…
As one of Bubblehead’s commenters made mention of, writing on the back of label plates was a common pastime. Various label plates had various things behind them – such as SNOB
dates, recording holidays spent underway, or, for our old boat, under the poly covering for the EOOW’s desk, the dates and one-line descriptions for each incident in the yards, and who got disqualified for them ;-) If you didn’t get DQ’d at least once by uptight NRRO monitors, you obviously weren't standing enough duty.
All the little hidey-holes behind panels were also a source of much amusement. Often reading material (strictly verboten
) was stashed there, often of a risqué nature. This was also a fairly poorly-kept secret. So much so that when one of the squadron deputies was riding us (had to keep his sea-pay, don’t you know), he wandered back to Maneuvering, to our surprise, chatted up the EOOW for a few minutes, then turned, opened one of the more obviously available panels, took out the Penthouse, winked to the watchstanders, and went back forward. The most inventive place that we put this diversionary material, though, was the reactor compartment. Taped in such a location that you would see it only if you were doing a thorough bilge inspection, it was often how EDO’s caught under-instructions doing an incomplete closeout-
At the Decon station:
EDO: “So, what color was her hair?”
U/I: “Huh, whose?”
EDO: “Get back in there and do a proper close-out inspection!” [The answer: Brunette]
Of note: Our various Engineers over the years either never noticed, or never mentioned our training tool.
However, the coup de grace
of material shenanigans had to be the disgruntled E-Div'er who, in a fit of anger directed at the entire goat locker, re-wired their MJ phone so that station 16 (answer) was the only station that operated as it was supposed to. However, if they tried to whoop Crew’s Mess, they got Maneuvering, if they tried to whoop the Wardroom, they got the aft of Control, and, worst of all, if they tried to whoop the BCP, they got the CO’s stateroom. It took them well over a week to figure that one out.
Ahhh, nukes. And the folks here wonder why I take such glee in carrying out similar attacks. It was in my training ;-)